I know you really want to hear all about our holiday in Scotland but that is a rather long post and I am desperate to tell you the story of the Grumpy Old Curmudgeon on the tram to Bury market.
So if you have been my WWW friend for a while you will no doubt be aware of how much The Hellions love transport, totally Plains, Trains and Auto-mobiles (and boats, trams, helicopters, and anything else you can think of) so today, while we think of an all day adventure we went on a tram ride from Eccles to Bury. Both of The Hellions are well versed in acceptable public transport etiquette and as parents we get a lot of compliments on their manners and behaviour (it’s like pro wrestling at home but in public they make us look good). On the second leg of our journey we were on a “double” tram and this was the cause of some comment as The Clone likes to sit in the “bendy bit” but sadly there was not room for four where she wanted to sit so we sat near the back.
Trundel trundel off we go, answering odd questions on the way and tutting at every piece of litter on the tracks. As we came to a stop am older chap in a brown “dad” leather jacket and baseball cap “stumbled” (I assumed) in to my shoulder, as he moved on he muttered something about “kids”, as it seemed directed at me I said “sorry I didn’t hear that” “there are people standing here and you have kids sat down there” was the reply I got.
Hang on, let us stop for a moment
WE were on a double tram, the chap in question had been sitting down, and I could see five, yes FIVE, empty seats. Both of The Hellions had paid tickets so were as entitled to seats as any one. I am not sure where the standing people were but as he walked past Crochet Widower (you know the big beardy fella) to MUMBLE a criticism at me I assume he just wanted to feel self righteous.
“I’m sorry I didn’t realise people were standing, I didn’t see any one standing” I … enunciated (best description of putting my lungs behind it polity, like Brian Blessed) the chap carried on to the door and disembarked (good word that), “hmmm” I think to myself.
The following is a conversation had with the fella in the seat next to me who had a very Michael Palin ness about him;
MP; what was that he said?
ME; “there are people standing here and you have kids sat there”
MP; but there is loads of room
ME; yep Grumpy OLD Curmudgeon
MP; what was that (with a smile)
ME;Grumpy OLD Curmudgeon
MP; love it, you know there are people who stand at the side of the road in Manchester complaining, the Manchester ranters.
ME; maybe it is his job
MP; payed by the council to add local colour
ME; cackle (yes I do actually cackle light a wicked witch)
MP; he should go and see the protesters about Gaza and shout at them about blocking doorways, Grumpy OLD Curmudgeon (titter)
ME; He’d have a field day.
MP; KIDS SHOULD NOT SIT ON TRAMS THEY SHOULD FALL OVER
ME; and roll around in a heap on the floor
MP; and run up and down
MP; and knocking over Grumpy OLD Curmudgeons
That was me incapacitated for some time
MP; I must say you were very polite and calm
ME; only because I am usually shouty and loud and get more polite and calm sounding the angrier I get, you know you are in trouble when I pronounce all of my words correctly and hit all the Ts.
So that made the last stretch of our journey rather fun and I now love the phrase Grumpy OLD Curmudgeon so much it is the new punishment (taking over from “I’ll leave you here to be raised by toilet roll”). Now we were in Bury and Bury is famous for one thing BLACK PUDDING. Now, I like black pudding, I mean I will go out of my way for a slice, we WERE going to have black dogs but they had none warm so we just had black pudding barms in stead and being adventurous we bought a couple of pork and black pudding pies, you know just to try.
BLACK PUDDING IS NO LONGER GOOD ENOUGH
There is a chance THIS may be better than yarn, it has cheese on, CHEESE I TELL YA’. So good that I bought three more just for me, no I will not share, I will be eating them all on my own.
That’s it really, I’ll spend some real time writing about our trip to Scotland, so for now TTFN