It’s mother’s day, I have had a lie in, eaten my toast, my tea is nearly gone, and I have a box of jelly beans in the kitchen. Sorted.
I would like to talk a little about MY mother, I know I have posted about thing my mother taught me before but this is more centred on being a mother.
We all have our (insert expletive here) years
At the moment The Clone is having temper tantrums that nothing and no one can stop. They start for no reason, well not NO reason, mostly because she has been told to tidy up, get ready for school, “no you can’t have chocolate cake fro breakfast”, so you know all those ridiculous demands I make that are so unreasonable that pudsey bear needs calling.
When I commented that I don’t remember having those years myself so I must have been quite young I was informed “you had introvert (expletive) years”. Basically I stayed in my bedroom reading and dribbling candles.
Crying never killed any one
Ok so it’s not as abusive as it sounds. Geek Girl was a purple cryer, she would cry just because. There was an incident wth thw health visitor where she was determined I was to put Geek Girl in her cot and I fell over the silly woman’s bag (this is the same woman that told me Geek Girl was under weight more of that later).
We were in the routine where I would have to nurse Geek Girl for an hour before bed just to get her to sat asleep once I put her down, Mother was not standing for that and told me that as long as the baby was clean, fed, and safe letting them cry is allowed. Well after two days of sitting outside the bedroom listening to Geek Girl cry she stopped and went to bed fine from then on.
You are the parent, you know the child best
When The Clone was weeks old the health visitor was convinced that she was very under weight and needed to be bottle fed, there was no attempt to aid boob feeding, it was “she hasn’t gained her birth weight yet give her a bottle” I was not happy to do this I wanted to breast feed but the pressure was over whelming, I had been on some serious drugs as a consequence of caesarean and was not in the best frame of mind so The Clone got bottles.
When Geek Girl was weeks old I was told the same thing (I feel the need for a photo now)
THIS baby was not gaining her birth weight quick enough, the health visitor had to be convinced to leave me be for a week and re weight just in case. Well with my mother there for back up the next week, Geek Girl had gained a significant amount of weight and the student health visitor triple checked that she had set the scales up right, it would seem (and no one admitted to this) that the scaled had not been set properly the week before and weighted Geek Girl more than a pound lover than she was. After a long talking to the health visitor realised I did not want her to come back. My mother was a little disappointed that I did not need her back up but was proud none the less.
In addition to this when Geek Girl went for her one year check up the very same health visitor informed me that she was over weight, well she hadn’t started crawling yet, this time the health visitor just said “I don’t think you need telling what to do”. That is how Geek Girl was known as That Fat Baby for about a year. And yes, as soon as she started, well not really crawling more of a bum shuffle, she lost weight. She lost it from the top down so she had fat legs and extra bum cheeks for ages.
All children need different parenting
I saw this from quite an early age as I am one of five and no two of us are anything alike, well not in any grand ways. But in the interest of not talking about my siblings behind their backs (though The Sister has a blog post) I shall tell you about The Hellions’ differences.
The Clone; Hello kitty, Disney princesses, pink is for girls, will be on stage one day, and does not like doing anything she did not decide to up to and including “let’s go for ice cream” if she had decided she wanted to go to the park she would scream and shout that she did not want ice cream (and would end up with out ice cream)
Geek Girl; Spiderman, Hulk, Loki, purple for me, delicate fine motor skills abound, quite pliant and will tidy up if you tell her in minute detail what to do.
Now there differences are all good and well but they are six and three so will probably be completely different by next year. My mum is/was the perfect mum for me, she is/was a completely different mum to my sister and brothers. I am the perfect mother to both of The Hellions, for now, they are babies and need pretty the same parenting but as they get older their differences will get bigger and I’ll need to be a different mother to each, I’ll never know what I’m doing, I’ll always feel like I’m running to catch up with who my kids are, and I won’t know if I have done it right until they are all grown up and have released them into the wild but my mum has taught me that
my best is good enough